whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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