i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize