my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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