I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
