Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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