Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
