In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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