I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
