its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize