i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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