I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Randomize
