He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
