Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize