I hope mine doesn't look like that
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
