we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
