Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
