Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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