the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
