Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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