STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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