Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
you inspire me to be a worse person
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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