Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry therealbearjew hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(908): View more from New Jersey

You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.

Fav 52 4956 3166
share tweet
(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.

Fav 30 6596 1442
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(443): View more from Maryland

At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...

Fav 10 1036 4690
share tweet
(614): View more from Ohio

I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man

Fav 9 4533 1284
share tweet
(330): View more from Ohio

Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.

Fav 8 721 1463
share tweet
(514): View more from Quebec

We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...

Fav 11 3094 1118
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(352): View more from Florida

I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.

Fav 16 2943 1346
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(806): View more from Texas

You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.

Fav 1 859 538
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(813): View more from Florida

Why is there bacon in the couch?

Fav 0 25 13
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT