yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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