If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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