Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
