guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
