I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
