Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
