I want to make a zoo with you.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
just tell him i said nine months
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
