literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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