oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize