i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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