i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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