I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
