If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
