soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
