And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
