She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
