do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
