grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
