Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
