So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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