I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i think i have two assholes
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
