I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
