so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
