Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
