remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
