in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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