her vagina looked like bernie madoff
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
