your room smells of hookers.
And success
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
