chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
