Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
