Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
