the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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