my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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