just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
