Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
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