ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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