Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
50% drunk capacity currently
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
