I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
