I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
