i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
