Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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