so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
