I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He passed out mid-signature
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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