Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
