I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
