When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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