I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
