Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
