I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
