are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i love accidental penises.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
